Finally. The Time Have Come.

I’ve changed the blog address. I won’t let everybody read my blog. I only give this address to those I wanna give them. I made up my mind. Why? Because it’s become more personal and personal each time I wrote. I love my blog. I want it to still be here and I don’t need anonymous to read it. I hate feeling afraid or terrified each time when I write something. I’m afraid people will be judgmental towards me. I hate thinking if my grammar was bad even it’s not important for some. I afraid I sound too childish or too crazy or too obsessive or too stupid. I’m afraid that I write too long or too emotional. I’m afraid a lot of things that I shouldn’t have to. So, I decide. I’m free now. Right now, only 2 persons know this new address. My sister that I used to share my heart and feeling even though maybe things change now when she got married. It’s ok because people do change in live. The other one is my bestfriend, the one that I talk with most for more than 3 years now. She just knows me so much that I think there’s nothing left for me to hide. But well, maybe there is. All people have a secretJ. So, I think this is what I’m doing. If some anonymous or friends found out my blog address and do reads my blog, I’ll consider it as god will. It’s fate. I can’t stop it and I won’t.

From now on, I’ll write whatever I want. I’ll write about Josh a thousand times if I want. I’ll drone about Alexander. I’ll write about how good Linkin Park was or how sexy Sean Paul is or how I think Mariah Carey have a very sexy figure. If only I have all the time in the world, I’ll write how I love “The Apprentice”, “House”, “Las Vegas”, “The O.C”, “Charmed” and all. So, I think I can’t have all the time in the world but I’ll spend some. It’s my blog, my story, my time.

This is like I’m talking to myself. After quite a long time writing in this blog I also figure out the one that I want to impress most is not the readers but to myself. Me myself was a reader, is a reader and always be a reader to my blog. I always keep reading my journal/diary I wrote long time ago and I remember I wish people read it too. And when somebody do read my ‘pooh’ book, I remember I feel bad about it. So, I believe this is a good decision.

Even more, I think some people just read my blog for a wrong reason. I’m not a big fan of Mawi anymore. Mawi is the reason I start writing this blog, thanks for that and I still like him as an artist. He is the only one that I like and bored about. I never bored to Brad Pit or Jason Behr (known as max) or Harry Potter or Sanzo or Frodo. I don’t understand this, but I just turn off Era yesterday when Mawi was a DJ. I also don’t feel like reading mawifc anymore. Too fake. I guess I’ll never understand this and the only reason that I can think of is it’s because I always see him as unwise in everything and maybe I’m too good for this. I don’t know. How bad of me to judge him when I hate people judging me. But hack, he’s a public figure so deal with it.

I wanna say sorry to anybody who used to know my blog or had read my blog. I’m sorry to just back off (this sorry will only reach them if they happen to know this new one.. could it happen? I’m so sorry)

Right now, I feel so miserable. For all things that happen to me lately and still happen now. I feel so miserable, so lonely and so sad. I have no more energy to deal with stupid people. But I also believe I’m strong and independent women. I know I should be more in control. Oh, how pathetic I sound. Maybe I should just go on. Let things happen when it’s happen.

As I like, I end this posting by paste one of the very best songs from Josh Groban. The one song that really means a lot, really touch me. The song that I believe should be taken seriously. Even this song has nothing to do with my feeling right now but it really have a very deep meaning and I just want it to be here. I love this song and I wanna sing it in my head. Someday, I hope that I’ll have courage to fall. Someday…

LET ME FALL
By Josh Groban

Let me fall, Let me climb
There's a moment when fear and dreams must collide

Someone I am is waiting for courage
The one I want, the one I will become will catch me
So let me fall if I must fall
I won't heed your warnings I won't hear them

Let me fall if I fall
Though the phoenix may or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and shame

Someone I am is waiting for my courage
The one I want, the one I will become will catch me
So let me fall if I must fall
I won't heed your warning I won't hear

Let me fall if I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall

A Bad Bad Days..

Minggu lepas adalah minggu yang amat malang bagi aku.. It’s bad and I almost hate to talk or write about it.. But I talk about it anyway and now I’m writing about it. Huh?

Last Tuesday, somebody just hit my car! And I’m totally innocent! Aku tgh cari parking on a lovely day and I look strait ahead while waiting for a car in front of me to move.. Suddently, one stupid car mengundur dari tempat parking dan langgar pintu belakang kete aku.. And to make thing worst.. that stupid somebody is actually somebody who work at my place. So, I have to be nice and I have to be patient.. tak leh marah2 because everything will be settle in a good way.. Is it so?

Well, cont. story.. kete aku cedera ringan. But hell, pintu belakang kene ketuk dan cat.. and also bahagian tepi belakang sebelah pintu also kene ketuk.. so, its sekeping setengah yg terlibat (Aku actually tak tau the term of car la.. ) And believe me.. I TOTALLY believe aku tak salah walaupun 0.0001%.. what the hell? Pintu belakang aku kene langgar.. So, why the anger? That person yang langgar aku kata I should tgk kiri kanan waktu bawak kete.. Hello???? Its my back door.. that’s mean I already pass her car.. and the fact that she/they didn’t see me (like my car suddenly fly from the sky and land just behind their car waiting to be hit) is not my fault.. Dan dah berapa kali aku cakap I already pass their car about ¾.. that’s mean kenapa aku patut tau yang diorang ni nak undur dan langgar aku??? Some people just STUPID!

Oklah.. after some argument to make me feel guilty.. (totally FAIL.. bcoz not a bit I feel guilty) story2 tak guna la.. then diorang mula cakap pasal budi bicara dan kesusahan diorang.. nasibla diorang tu kira old people la.. And I’m not that cruel.. Aku percaya duit boleh di cari tapi hubungan sesame manusia lebih bernilai.. Then, I’m agree to help.. not much tapi aku tolong la bayar sikit.. tapi I’m already hurt.. at 1st place because they didn’t even say sorry to me.. tapi keep insisting diorang tak nampak aku.. dan be defensive.. What I need is diorang just have to admit guilty dan minta maaf pada aku atas segala kesusahan fizikal dan mental.. Secara fizikal, aku ‘patah kaki’ sbb kete hantar workshop and mentally.. aku sedihla.. kete aku kene langgar.. I can’t be careful for someone else careless… Akhirnya diorang minta maaf dan kitorang settle..

“budi bicara” term ni hanya aku guna pakai sebab dia satu tempat keje ngan aku dan juga sebab dia merupakan kakitangan sokongan yang sudah bekeluarga.. Even some of my friend think that I’m stupid.. (urgh, that’s hurt!) tapi aku buat agreement ngan diri sendiri.. kalau betullah the person yang langgar aku tu mmg mengalami kesusahan.. maka aku ikhlas tapi kalau aku tertipu maka aku hanya berserah pada tuhan saja.. How this things make me feel so lonely.. And it totally ruin my days..

Now, my car dah dapat balik tapi I still got the problem bcoz that stupid workshop salah cat kete aku.. kete tu dah ade 2 tone skrg.. Arghhh.. Aku kene hantar balik kete tu kat workshop utk dibetulkan.. Why I keep bumping with a STUPID peoples????

AJL 20

sumber: berita harian

1st of all aku nak ucapkan tahniah kepada semua pemenang AJL

Jac "Gemilang" - Juara lagu

Jac "Gemilang" - Juara kategori Balada

Hazami "Kata" - Juara kategori Pop Rock

Mawi "Aduh Saliha" - Juara kategori Irama Malaysia/Etnik Kreatif
Persembahan terbaik - Mawi

Vokal terbaik - Hazami

Tahniah Again... Tapi biasala kita takkan puas hati dengan setiap pertandingan yang dianjurkan.. sebab bagi aku kalaulah aku ni sorang je juri dan juga merangkap ketua juri.. Pemenangnya ialah:

Juara Lagu - Ning "Awan Yang Terpilu"

Juara kategori Balada - Ning "Awan Yang Terpilu"

Juara kategori Pop Rock - Hazami "Kata"

Juara kategori IM/Etnik Kreatif - Mawi "Aduh Saliha"
Persembahan terbaik - Ning Baizura

Vokal terbaik - Jacklin Victor

Kehebatan Ning memang tiada tandingan malam tadi.. begitu menusuk jiwa.. Ning tak perlukan penari latar atau beautiful evening dress untuk persembahan Awan yang terpilu.. kesederhanaan baju kurung dan keindahan lagu tu pun dah cukup hebat.. Ning berjaya menarik aku masuk ke dalam lagu Awan yang terpilu.. Tapi sayang dia gagal mendapat apa2 anugerah.. Apapun bagi aku persembahan Ning memang hebat dan yang terbaik..

Lagu gemilang memang hebat.. suara Jac memang mantap.. kira ok la dia menang.. aku no argument cuma aku lebih sukakan Awan yang terpilu.. hehehe..

Mawi oh Mawi.. Mawi menari malam tadi.. hehehe.. disebabkan kamera tv3 yang biol, separuh tarian Mawi je dapat ditonton.. kacau betul la.. Mawi ok la malam tadi dan kemenangan Aduh Saliha memang di jangka.. sama cam Jac.. Tahniah Mawi..

Lagu Kata dari Hazami memang aku suka dan aku memang harap lagu ni yang menang utk kategori ni.. tapi tak la sampai dapat vokal terbaik.. ntah la..

Persembahan terbaik.. Walaupun dapat kat my dearest Mawi.. tapi kehebatan persembahan Ning tetap menjadi pilihan aku.. she really into it! Sebak dengar Ning nyanyi.. Mawi menang sebab CT jadi juri.. hehehe.. ops tak la.. sebab SMS mestilah dominasi pada Mawi.. aku yakin markah sms Mawi 40++/50.. so no wonder la Mawi menang.. Go mawi Go!

Persembahan2 lain semuanya hebat2.. memang best la.. Tapi Lida kata Adam tiru tarian Backstreet Boys.. ahaa tak tahu.. heheh.. Aku suka pengacara Ally Iskandar ngan Farah Fauzana.. Happening beb..

Pasal juri2 ni aku nak komen sikitla.. ok la juri2 tu tapi how could ct leh jadi juri? dia kan penyanyi sahaja.. apa bezanya ct ngan Ning? I wonder..

Okla.. aku komen sikit ja sebab keseluruhan event bagi aku ok la.. best.. tv3 berjaya menyampaikan motto "Evolusi Muzik berterusan" walaupun terlalu banyak hip-hop katanya Lida.. :)

Isu Gambar Kartun

"Asking me whether I regret publishing the cartoons is like asking a rape victim if she regrets wearing a short skirt Friday night at the discotheque."

Flemming Rose, Jyllands-Posten's culture editor

Isu Gambar Nabi Muhammas S.A.W dan penghinaan terhadap Islam amat mengganggu minda, hati dan perasaan aku.. Kita telah dihina dengan alasan "Fredom Of Speech".Kenapa kita begitu di pandang hina oleh masyarakat dunia.. Bila perkara begini terjadi apa yang harus kita lakukan? Apa yang perlu diubah? Kenapa mereka begitu berani? Bagi aku punca sebenar kejadian ini ialah kurangnya sensitiviti media barat terhadap penganut Islam seluruh dunia dan mereka juga TIDAK MENGHORMATI AGAMA ISlAM dengan mengaitkan Islam dan pengganas. Dalam erti kata lain.. kita telah di buli. Mereka merasa diri mereka kebal dan kuat. Orang Islam tidak bersatu.

Apa tindakan kita?

Adakah membalas dgn melakukan keganasan seperti membakar kereta, mengebom pejabat kedutaan atau ugutan bunuh merupakan penyelesaian? Tentu sekali tidak jawapanya.. Kalau nak berperang.. bagi aku perang betul2 bukan secara emosional dan memburukkan lagi pandangan kita di mata masyarakat. Tapi perang juga bukanlah penyelesaian.. Serangan ekonomi? mampukah kita? Selagi kita tak bergabung dan bersatu mmg impossible.. Jadi satu langkah yang bijak dan tegas patut difikirkan. Bagi aku Tidakan Arab Saudi dengan menutup kedutaan boleh diterima pakai.. Apapun aku mmg tak terpk langkah bijak apa yang patut di ambil.. Yang pasti aku harap kejadian ini dapat menyedarkan umat Islam sedunia bahawa betapa lemahnya kita dan betapa pentingnya untuk kita bersatu supaya tidak terus dibuli.
Langkah yang paling mudah ialah memboikot saja barangan dari Denmark.. We should start somewhere.. nak boikot every country yang siar gambar tu mmg impossible.. It is the least we can do.. impaknya? Wallahualam.

Paling dikesali?

Kegagalan media barat memahami sensitiviti masyarakat Islam sedunia memang patut dikesali.. Tapi itu terlalu kecil jika dibandingkan dengan kekesalan aku pada sesetengah orang Islam kita sendiri.. Pergilah ke forum2 seperti cari.com.my dan lain2 yang membincangkan isu ini. Dengan jelas wujudnya orang Islam yang memperlekehkan orang Islam sendiri dan menyokong tindakan media barat ini. Mereka mempersoalkan ketelusan agama Islam itu sendiri. Siapa mereka?

Adakah sensitiviti kita ini tepat dan kena pada tempatnya?

Fikir kembali.. selepas kemangkatan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W, apa yang dilakukan oleh saidina Abu Bakar? Memerangi golongan murtad.. Kita perlu ingat dan jelas yang melukis dan menghina Nabi kita adalah orang kafir yang jelas tidak memahami agama kita.. Yang jelas tidak menghormati agama kita..

Semoga Isu ini dapat diselesaikan dan negara2 Islam akan bersatu. Pengajarannya.. Walau apa agama pun yang dianuti.. HORMATlah..

"Respect is something you have to Gain."