Finally. The Time Have Come.

I’ve changed the blog address. I won’t let everybody read my blog. I only give this address to those I wanna give them. I made up my mind. Why? Because it’s become more personal and personal each time I wrote. I love my blog. I want it to still be here and I don’t need anonymous to read it. I hate feeling afraid or terrified each time when I write something. I’m afraid people will be judgmental towards me. I hate thinking if my grammar was bad even it’s not important for some. I afraid I sound too childish or too crazy or too obsessive or too stupid. I’m afraid that I write too long or too emotional. I’m afraid a lot of things that I shouldn’t have to. So, I decide. I’m free now. Right now, only 2 persons know this new address. My sister that I used to share my heart and feeling even though maybe things change now when she got married. It’s ok because people do change in live. The other one is my bestfriend, the one that I talk with most for more than 3 years now. She just knows me so much that I think there’s nothing left for me to hide. But well, maybe there is. All people have a secretJ. So, I think this is what I’m doing. If some anonymous or friends found out my blog address and do reads my blog, I’ll consider it as god will. It’s fate. I can’t stop it and I won’t.

From now on, I’ll write whatever I want. I’ll write about Josh a thousand times if I want. I’ll drone about Alexander. I’ll write about how good Linkin Park was or how sexy Sean Paul is or how I think Mariah Carey have a very sexy figure. If only I have all the time in the world, I’ll write how I love “The Apprentice”, “House”, “Las Vegas”, “The O.C”, “Charmed” and all. So, I think I can’t have all the time in the world but I’ll spend some. It’s my blog, my story, my time.

This is like I’m talking to myself. After quite a long time writing in this blog I also figure out the one that I want to impress most is not the readers but to myself. Me myself was a reader, is a reader and always be a reader to my blog. I always keep reading my journal/diary I wrote long time ago and I remember I wish people read it too. And when somebody do read my ‘pooh’ book, I remember I feel bad about it. So, I believe this is a good decision.

Even more, I think some people just read my blog for a wrong reason. I’m not a big fan of Mawi anymore. Mawi is the reason I start writing this blog, thanks for that and I still like him as an artist. He is the only one that I like and bored about. I never bored to Brad Pit or Jason Behr (known as max) or Harry Potter or Sanzo or Frodo. I don’t understand this, but I just turn off Era yesterday when Mawi was a DJ. I also don’t feel like reading mawifc anymore. Too fake. I guess I’ll never understand this and the only reason that I can think of is it’s because I always see him as unwise in everything and maybe I’m too good for this. I don’t know. How bad of me to judge him when I hate people judging me. But hack, he’s a public figure so deal with it.

I wanna say sorry to anybody who used to know my blog or had read my blog. I’m sorry to just back off (this sorry will only reach them if they happen to know this new one.. could it happen? I’m so sorry)

Right now, I feel so miserable. For all things that happen to me lately and still happen now. I feel so miserable, so lonely and so sad. I have no more energy to deal with stupid people. But I also believe I’m strong and independent women. I know I should be more in control. Oh, how pathetic I sound. Maybe I should just go on. Let things happen when it’s happen.

As I like, I end this posting by paste one of the very best songs from Josh Groban. The one song that really means a lot, really touch me. The song that I believe should be taken seriously. Even this song has nothing to do with my feeling right now but it really have a very deep meaning and I just want it to be here. I love this song and I wanna sing it in my head. Someday, I hope that I’ll have courage to fall. Someday…

LET ME FALL
By Josh Groban

Let me fall, Let me climb
There's a moment when fear and dreams must collide

Someone I am is waiting for courage
The one I want, the one I will become will catch me
So let me fall if I must fall
I won't heed your warnings I won't hear them

Let me fall if I fall
Though the phoenix may or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and shame

Someone I am is waiting for my courage
The one I want, the one I will become will catch me
So let me fall if I must fall
I won't heed your warning I won't hear

Let me fall if I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall