I seriously feel very very bad today...
Why?
Because nowadays I walking day dream..
Because I take almost everything for granted..
Because I can't make my head strait..
Because I lost my focus..
I keep trying to get my focus back.. but all I manage is a 50% of last semester.. I mean it! It seriously 50% or below...
Last semester I drive at a full speed from the beginning.. I took everything seriously.. I care every detail.. By saying that, my level of determination and excitation is up-sky level.. My target is not only getting good result but being amongst the best.. Which I proudly admit.... I did.
Where is all the energy? Where is all the determination? And where is the excitation? It just fading... almost gone...
Saying all this.. today, I have a class exercise which designed to determine the understand level of each student.. Believe me if I said.. If this is last semester... I will at least get 80% of it.. But, today I went without preparation at all.. And I'm totally blur, blank and helpless.. It's really a knock in the head and it shows how bad I've been doing lately.. I really really feel bad for handing a paper with only 1.5/4 questions partially answered.. Thank god, it was not counted in grade but I can't help but feel really really really ashamed.. The lecturer knew my existent - oh, how I wish to be invisible (He even greets me on the first day).. So, based on my result today.. you can say.. From heroes to zeroes...
From today.. I promise no more slacking like this.. This is not acceptable...
This is maybe a good bumped! So, wake up Saira...
I say wake-up and wish for a good day and may will-power overcome the devil inside me...
Why?
Because nowadays I walking day dream..
Because I take almost everything for granted..
Because I can't make my head strait..
Because I lost my focus..
I keep trying to get my focus back.. but all I manage is a 50% of last semester.. I mean it! It seriously 50% or below...
Last semester I drive at a full speed from the beginning.. I took everything seriously.. I care every detail.. By saying that, my level of determination and excitation is up-sky level.. My target is not only getting good result but being amongst the best.. Which I proudly admit.... I did.
Where is all the energy? Where is all the determination? And where is the excitation? It just fading... almost gone...
The different?
Last Semester vs This Semester
Always ready before the class (pre-reading / pre-study) vs Totally blank and blur
Very focus in class vs Day dream and check clock all the time
Take everything seriously.. EVERYTHING! vs Almost don't care
Study at early stage vs NONE AT ALL.. I can say because now is early stage
Conclusion:
Winter Break - Really "BREAK" me and unleash the real me
Last Semester vs This Semester
Always ready before the class (pre-reading / pre-study) vs Totally blank and blur
Very focus in class vs Day dream and check clock all the time
Take everything seriously.. EVERYTHING! vs Almost don't care
Study at early stage vs NONE AT ALL.. I can say because now is early stage
Conclusion:
Winter Break - Really "BREAK" me and unleash the real me
Saying all this.. today, I have a class exercise which designed to determine the understand level of each student.. Believe me if I said.. If this is last semester... I will at least get 80% of it.. But, today I went without preparation at all.. And I'm totally blur, blank and helpless.. It's really a knock in the head and it shows how bad I've been doing lately.. I really really feel bad for handing a paper with only 1.5/4 questions partially answered.. Thank god, it was not counted in grade but I can't help but feel really really really ashamed.. The lecturer knew my existent - oh, how I wish to be invisible (He even greets me on the first day).. So, based on my result today.. you can say.. From heroes to zeroes...
From today.. I promise no more slacking like this.. This is not acceptable...
This is maybe a good bumped! So, wake up Saira...
I say wake-up and wish for a good day and may will-power overcome the devil inside me...
2 comments:
i think i hv changed too since the winter break. if i'm fedup, that's it i'm fedup. i couldnt hide it. not major problem though... just i need to be more patient. it just one week since the sem starts, but there was a time i feel fedup already. i think actually i'm fedup with this place. or is't pms?? hehee. enuf bout me.
lucky u, it's still not too late to realize it & change! gd luck!
Aku rasa betulla.. that's it. I'm fedup too.. I have no more patient and no more energy..
well, i try my best and yes, it's not too late but even so, i'm still at the level of 50% but this time with consciousness.. yeah, I wish myself good luck too..
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