I Need A Distraction But..

I'm trying to distract myself with this:

David Cook.. Hmm who else?? Daa..
(This face is soo NC-17 : if you know what I mean.. hehehe xoxo)

But.. There is something in my heart that cannot let it go. It become worst when I'm talking about it with my brother (which I don't really mean to talk about it.. it just a suddenly we talk about it - on the phone) I'm going to US (Now I think the whole world know about it - mean: the world that circle around me) And I'm going to leave my new house behind for at least 2 f*g years. I don't want to leave it unattended.. I have lots of stuffs and some of it need a maintenance like - frezzer, washing machine, and so on.. So, I had offered my house to my friend to take care of it while I'm not here.. with some conditions:

1. She must welcome my family.. anytime..
2. She must take care of the house
3. She must not rent it to anybody but she can ask her friend to accompany her (her wish)

I know it's a good arrangement. This is a good plan, for me, my family, my house and her as well.. I like this plan. But, I have this 'something' in my heart that is very very sad and maybe worried or anxious. I'm not sure.. I have a What if "lots of thing don't need to write here" thinking. I'm afraid of so many things and I feel a little bit like I'm 'giving' this house to someone else. This house is mine! I know it but this little 'something' in my heart is so 'angry' or 'afraid' or I don't know.. There is 'something' and I hate it.

This 'something' don't want to get out of my chest and it makes me sad...
This 'something' have to go for good but I have no idea of how...